ROMANTIC TIPS: “The problem with Valentine’s Day (Part 4)”

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And one more blog in a (seemingly) never-ending series of relationship tips and romantic insights that have been recommended by 4 out of 5 doctors.

The trouble with Valentine’s Day is that . . . It’s simply unbalanced. I don’t mean mentally unbalanced—although being infatuated does make one a bit mentally unbalanced (but that’s another story)—I mean that Valentine’s Day is economically unbalanced.

Here are the stats: 

• Last year, in America, the average man spent $149 on Valentine’s Day for his gal. 
• Meanwhile, the average women spent $32 on Valentine’s Day for her guy.

Seems unfair to me. Unless, of course, the women’s liberation / feminist movement has been rescinded, and we’re back in 1959. Hold on…Let me check on that—and I’ll get back to you on this tomorrow. 

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Chief investigator, studying the effects of gender roles on the gift-giving habits of men versus women for Valentine’s Day. Or—If men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, is this a valid rationale for a lack of parity in gift-giving between the genders. 

ROMANTIC TIPS: “The problem with Valentine’s Day (Part 3)”

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(And yet) another in a never-ending series of relationship tips and romantic insights that might help—or at least couldn’t hurt— your relationship.

The trouble with Valentine’s Day is that . . . The already-romantic don’t really need it . . . the adamantly-unromantic just don’t want it . . . and the romantically-impaired are annually punished by it. 

Let’s face it: Valentine’s Day simply doesn’t work. If it did, I’d be all for it. 

Let’s give a sucker a break and let these guys off the hook, okay? The dozen roses they buy? A feeble attempt to make up for lost time. The expensive box of Godiva Chocolates? Romance inspired by guilt. 

And let’s have a little more respect for the women. I mean, really, ladies: Are you honestly pleased with roses grudgingly given, with chocolates hastily grabbed, with trinkets ordered on the internet, with a “custom love letter” penned by a hired ghostwriter? Are you really willing to settle for so little? Do you really have so little self-respect? 

You deserve better. He deserves better. Go share a bottle of wine, then talk for a little while, then make love. There. See?? Everybody’s happy. 

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By Greg Godek.

Director of the Save-The-Romantics Fund-Raising Initiative, helping the romantically impaired since 1981.

ROMANTIC IDEAS: “The problem with Valentine’s Day (Part 2)”

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Another in a never-ending series of relationship tips and romantic insights that address topics of interest to men and women alike.

The problem with Valentine’s Day is that it’s pink and red and frilly. In other words, it’s feminine. 

Now, there’s nothing wrong with “feminine”—heck, guys love “feminine”!—but there is something wrong with only feminine. And that’s what Valentine’s Day has evolved into. Look at the ads, look in the store windows: Pink and red and frills as far as the eye can see. Not a hint of masculinity to be found. 

Is it any wonder that guys head for the hills on Valentine’s Day?!

NEXT: “Okay, now what??”

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1001 Ways to be Romantic

10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Director of the Valentine’s Day Anti-Defamation League. 

LOVE TIPS: “Little Things Mean a Lot”

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Forget the diamonds and Ferraris and trips to Paris…It really is true that little things mean a lot. (Bunches of scientists, wearing real lab coats, have studied this. [Who knew that scientists could be a source of romantic ideas?!])

• Little things that bring a smile to her face: A kiss upon waking up. A romantic text.
• Little things that remind him of you: Slip a photo of yourself into his brief case or lunchbox. 
• Little things that will bring a tear to her eyes: Tape one of your wedding photos to the bathroom mirror. 
• Little things that have special meaning to just the two of you: Write a note using phrases from his/her favorite TV show. 
• Little things done on a consistent basis: Open doors for her.
• Little things that are really special to him/her: Chocolate. Not just any chocolate—but the exact type and brand of chocolate. (This makes a big difference to true chocoholics.)
• Little things that are really special to him/her: A new book by his/her favorite author.
• Little things that are really special to him/her: Create a playlist of favorite love songs. 

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Executive Vice President in Charge of Little Things.

ROMANTIC IDEAS: “Everything I Know about Love I Learned from Robin Williams”

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I’ve always believed that romance and humor go together. They go together like like milk and cookies…like day and night…like yin and yang…like Bogart and Bacall…like John and Yoko.

Robin Williams, in a thoughtful mood during an interview:

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”

What you say to your partner is important. The way you say it is important. The ideas (positive, supportive, caring, exciting, soothing, loving) that you share with him/her will change the world. 

Robin Williams, making a profound aside in the middle of a stand-up routine:

“You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.”

“A little spark of madness.” Sounds like a great definition of love to me.

Robin Williams, in “Dead Poets Society”:

“Language was invented for one reason, boys: To woo women.”

I’m not sure if that’s true from a strictly anthropological point-of-view. But most women love it when you express yourself, your feelings, to them. 

Robin Williams, in “Flubber”:

“I love you with all my heart. With every cell, with every molecule, with every atom. I love you on the subatomic level.”

You know, if you can find great romantic lines in a Disney comedy, you can find them anywhere.

Robin Williams, in “Dead Poets Society”:

“…poetry, beauty, romance, love…these are what we stay alive for.”

It wouldn’t hurt to stop and reflect on this for 10 minutes, once-a-week.

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

A card carrying member of the Robin Williams Fan Club since Mork and Mindy  (1978).

ROMANTIC TIPS: “The problem with Valentine’s Day (Part 1)”

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The problem with Valentine’s Day is not that it’s a “Hallmark Holiday” (a holiday concocted by the florists, jewelers and greeting card makers just to make a buck). No, the problem with Valentine’s Day is that it’s not a holiday at all. I mean, do you get the day off work??

We have “real” holidays that celebrate gluttony (Thanksgiving), consumerism (Christmas), and hot dogs and explosives (Independence Day)…

…And we also have a variety of other important holidays, including the celebration of weather-predicting rodents (Groundhog Day), tall vegetable matter (Arbor Day), and, of course, pair-bonding and reciprocal expressions of affection characterized by an excess of dopamine secretions in the brain (Valentine’s Day). These three “holidays” are, as everyone knows, have been consigned to Second Rate status: They do get listed on the calendar, but they don’t get recognized in any official capacity. 

Sorry, you’ll have to celebrate the most important thing in the world—love—during off-hours. 

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Apologist for Cupid.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: “Create Romantic Moments”

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Not all romantic ideas are big, dazzling, outrageous events. 

It’s about romantic moments. Not days, or weeks or years. Moments. We remember moments. Images. Images infused with emotion. Snapshots—perhaps short video clips. But certainly not feature length movies. (Try to recall your last birthday—the entire day, minute by minute. You can’t do it. Your memory simply wasn’t designed to do that.) 

When it comes to love, most people find that focusing on the moments is a great relief. Don’t worry about “relationship issues,” don’t study the “Seven Habits of Highly Romantic People,” don’t plan for the future. Just create a little romantic moment this week. Then create another romantic moment next week. Then create another one two days after that. Then skip a week and surprise her with one on a Tuesday evening. 

Moment by moment. That’s how a lifetime of love is created.

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Romantic since 1960.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: “Write It Down!”

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A relationship tip for lovers: Express yourself in writing.

• Put your feelings down on paper. 
• Yes, you can put your feelings down in any digital format, too. 
• But really, you ought to write and mail a real (analog) love letter and mail it…once a year or so. 
• Leave written clues that lead her to a restaurant where you’re waiting for her. 
• Give him a lottery ticket. Attach a note: “You’re one in a million!”
• Give him a lottery ticket. Attach a note: “I got lucky when I met you!”
• Hide a love note among a bunch of flowers. 
• Write a note that begins: “I know we’re soulmates because…”
• Write a note that begins: “I fell in love with when…”
• Write a note that begins: “You’re me lover and my best friend because…”
• Write a note that begins: “When I think of you I smile because…”

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Observer of the human condition.

LOVE ADVICE: “Quirky (Part 1)”

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And some romantic ideas are a little more odd than others.

• Get a local artist to draw caricatures of you on some eggs. Put them in the refrigerator. Wait for your partner to notice. 
• And then get egg-caricatures made of both of you.
• Play hooky from work—and spend the day together.
• Place a heart-shaped sticker on his phone to remind him to call you. 
• Keep mistletoe hung over your bedroom doorway all year long!
• Shower together.
• Shower together by candlelight.
• Hide a little gift for her so she’ll find it during a walk together.
• One guy half-buried a box of Godiva Chocolates in the sand on a beach.
• One guy hid a single red rose between some loose bricks in a wall.
• One gal slipped Red Sox tickets into her boyfriend’s Big Mac.

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Q: Did you really travel cross-country in a Winnebago to do book signings?

A: Yes, yes I did. 

Q: Would you recommend this to other authors?

A: No, no I wouldn’t. 

Q: Why not?

A: RVs are in a constant state of rattling apart. Unless you’re Joe Fix-It, don’t do it.

A: 18-ton-vehicle. 9 miles-to-the-gallon. Gas estimated at $3.80 per gallon. Boston to Los Angeles: 2,983.8 miles. You to the math. 

A: A note from the Accuracy Squad: It was a Holiday Rambler. Not a Winnebago. 

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR LOVERS: “Couple Communication”

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Here are 10 quirky questions to ask each other. Why? To help the two of you get inside each other’s heads (and hearts). Knowing these things will help you find romantic gifts—and create romantic experiences—that your lover will love.

• What 3 nouns best describe you?
• What 3 adjectives best describe you?
• What 3 adverbs best describe you?
• If you could save time in a bottle what would you do with it? [Inspired by Jim Croce’s song.]
• What do you want to be remembered for?
• What are your prized possessions?
• What did you want to be when you grew up?
• Would you rather be rich or famous?
• What’s the most fun you’ve ever had with your clothes on?
• What’s the most fun you’ve ever had with your clothes off?
• If you were going to write a self-help book, what would you title it?

“One always loves the person who understands you.”

~ Anais Nin

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.
What 3 nouns best describe him? — Author. Father. Husband.
What are his prized possessions? — Wedding photos. Collection of every episode of “Doctor Who.” 
What did he want to be when he grew up? — Astronaut. Cartoonist. One of The Beatles.

RELATIONSHIP TIPS: “Skills for Lovers (Part 1)”

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Some romantic ideas and gestures take a little practice. But it’s worth the effort. Here are 10 miscellaneous skills that lovers need to know:

• How to cook your lover’s favorite meal.
• How to be affectionate while being sexual.
• How to share your feelings without dumping them on your partner.
• How to do the laundry without destroying her favorite blouse.
• How to be supportive without being controlling.
• How to listen actively instead of passively.
• How to grow together instead of growing apart.
• How to be independent without being distant.
• How to be dependent without being co-dependent.
• How to keep your big mouth shut.

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By Greg Godek.

From Mr. Godek’s curriculum vitae:

Skill: How to be affectionate while being sexual: Check

Skill: How to do laundry without messing it up: Check

Skill: How to cook her favorite meal: Still at the boiling water stage

Skill: How to share feelings without dumping on her: Mostly

Skill: How to keep my big mouth shut: Working on it

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR COUPLES: “Stuff to do in Bed”

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We all spend a quarter of our lives in bed. So why do most people only use their bed for only two activities?? (True romantics ask oddball questions like this.) (It may be odd, but it often leads to some great romantic ideas.)

• Serve her breakfast-in-bed.
• Heck, serve her dinner-in-bed. (Nobody does that!)
• Bring her tea.
• Bring him coffee.
• Toast each other with champagne.
• Read the Sunday funnies together. Use funny voices.
• And yes—here it comes…The “Stuff to do in Bed” that you were expecting…
• Make love by candlelight.
• Make love like it was your first time together. 
• Get silk sheets.
• For her: Lingerie is always appreciated.
• For him: No, your old underwear and ratty T-shirts don’t arouse her. Get a nice robe or some fancy (but still manly? boxer shorts. 
• Get a book on massage. Learn how to give a great massage. 
• Note: There are 2 kinds of massage: Relaxing massages and arousing massages. The receiver gets to choose. (But international law forbids anyone from receiving more than 3 relaxing massages in a row.)

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.
Husband. Father. Romantic. Author. Romantic. Trekkie. Romantic. Baby Boomer. Romantic.

ROMANTIC IDEAS: “The 32 Kinds of Romantic Surprises!”

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This list will help you with creating romantic dates and finding romantic gifts.

1. Big surprises
2. Little surprises
3. Once-in-a-lifetime surprises
4. Expected-but-not-right-now surprises
5. Out-of-character surprises
6. Mystery-event surprises
7. Bait-and-switch surprises
8. Shocking surprises
9. Total surprises
10. Sudden surprises
11. Unfolding surprises
12. Improv surprises
13. Expensive surprises
14. Inexpensive surprises
15. No-cost surprises
16. Surprise tickets
17. Surprise vacations
18. Surprise birthday parties
19. Surprise anniversary parties
20. Surprises involving a collaborator
21. Surprises at work
22. Group surprises
23. Public surprise
24. Private surprises
25. Intimate surprises
26. Outrageous surprises
27. Midnight surprises
28. Sunset surprises
29. Sunrise surprises
30. Sexy surprises
31. Funny surprises
32. Meaningful surprises

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek 

Who? Oh, I remember him. Didn’t Jay Leno joke about his book 1001 Ways to be Romantic during his monologue?

ROMANTIC IDEAS FOR HER! “How Sweet!”

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Some relationship tips and love advice are for the gals only. [Don’t let him see you reading this!]

• Promise to be his one-and-only.
• Place a heart-shaped sticker on his phone to remind him to call you. 
• Blindfold him and take him to a new restaurant.
• Play “footsie” with him…under the dinner table…at a restaurant.
• Give him a red rose boutonniere to wear during your next date. 
• One gal wrote to me: “My hubby is a fanatical Dallas Cowboy fan. (But then, aren’t they all fanatical?!) I surprised him by dressing-up like a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader…and at halftime I “entertained” him!

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Look, up in the sky…It’s a bird! It’s a plane it’s—nevermind. It’s just Greg returning from Comic-Con.

ROMANTIC IDEAS FOR HIM! “How Sweet!”

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Some relationship tips and love advice are for the guys only. [Hide this list from her!]

• On her birthday, mail a “Thank-You” card to her mother.
• Promise to be her Prince Charming.
• Treat her like a princess.
• Give her two gifts: One gift in a box of Godiva Chocolates, and one gift in a Victoria’s Secret box. (Put the lingerie in the Godiva box, and put the chocolate in Victoria’s box.)
• Try something different: If you’re an expressive, loud person, try whispering our love to her. 
• On Valentine’s Day, save a box of candy conversation hearts—and give them to her in July.

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10,000 Ways to Say I Love You

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By Greg Godek.

Greg is to blame for this blog. He sold 3+ million copies of 1001 Ways to be Romantic…but other than that, we really don’t know what he does with his life (besides writing this blog and romancing his bride).